I am a little ashamed of myself that I haven't kept up on the blog during my stint at Pardes. How to sum up? Well, the first Shabbat here was full of awkward encounters, but the last Shabbat more than made up for it with meals with people I knew and liked coupled with a visit by Jen Noparstak. The week in between was full of frustrations and timidity, confidence and accomplishment, as I tried to learn the ed-speak science of Understanding by Design. Fortunately, the workshop only started out rocky. The nice thing is that my mentor, Aviva, who runs the Tanach program at Gann Academy in Boston, is so encouraging and positive. I actually don't feel like a planning idiot anymore! We are getting closer and closer to finishing so I gotta put the finishing touches on everything...

The piece of the trip that is nagging at me now is the rapid approach of Tisha B'Av, the 9th day of the Hebrew month of Av, where we fast for 25 hours, like for Yom Kippur, in mourning for the destruction of the holy Temple in Jerusalem among other tragedies. Running into Esther Kustanowitz on the street tonight helped me articulate my ambivilant feelings about how to spend the day.

This day is always the worst day on the calendar for mem but even more so this year. It is difficult for me to imagine commemorating Jerusalem's destruction in the rebuilt modern city. Back home in the US, the physical and emotional distance I feel from Israel is enough to gently lead me to feelings of grief. Plus, I am surrounded by the community to which I feel most connected and where I gain support during difficult moments in life. Here, I feel alone and isolated. I am not sure which community to join for the traditional reading of Eicha, the book of Lamentations. I do not know which Jewish educational institution I should go to for inspiring or at least interesting learning. Do I want to sit and learn about the causes and aftermath of our destruction long ago? All one need to do is look around at what is happening here in the Jewish state today for examples of just how far we have not come to tikun, to repairing and restoring that which was once so damaged.

Fortunately, the book of Lamentations ends on a note of hopefulness, asking God to restore us to our former glory. I don't feel the need to articulate such a lofty goal. I actually want much less, though it might actually be unattainable. I am hoping for, and willing to work toward, a much more tolerant Israel where Jewish women are not arrested for holding a Torah near the Western Wall, where the conversions to Judaism by progressive Jewish movements can be upheld, where religious tolerance and basic human rights are extended to all people. I don't mourn for the lost Temple. I mourn for the missed opportunities for co-existence and peace. I mourn for all of the roadblocks keep people apart. I mourn for those who have already given up because of lack of progress.

So, nu? What will I do on Tisha B'Av? How will I commemorate this moment? Perhaps I will go to the tayelet, the Haas Promenade, and look out at the city with all of its complexity and possibility. Perhaps I will engage in some learning, but I think I will have an isolating day no matter what considering I cannot fast.

Still, I pray:
yehi shalom b'chelech, shalva b'armenotaich.
Let there be peace in Your castle, serenity in Your palace.