Liminality

It's a bit crazy feeling as if you are neither here nor there, not sure where you belong or fit in. This is what I have been experiencing since Ziegler orientation began and I was the hold over student from the third year. 'Aren't you going to Israel?' or 'Why aren't you in Israel?' were the common greetings I received from returning students, and oh boy, did that make me feel good! I wanted to stay in LA as long as I felt comfortable; I was in no hurry to say goodbye. The opening day of school was a bit strange. Looking around the room I saw many familiar faces but not the faces of those I spent hours with every day the last two years. I did not realize how much my classmates shape my experience. No matter how I may be feeling about them at any particular moment, they ground me in some way, so being at the UJ without them felt a little unsettling.

A fifth year asked me about my feelings toward Ziegler; taking those into account could help clarify my feelings that day. I probably would not have chosen to attend the day of study on the High Holidays if I had negative associations with being at school. The truth is, the Ziegler school has brought my life into focus. Developing relationships, figuring out how I learn, delving into new subjects, receiving encouragement from many places, working toward finding my rabbinic voice. These are all things that I have greatly enjoyed from my time here. At the same time, it has taken my life out of focus as I struggle to figure out what I am going to do with my education and experience. All in all, Ziegler is a place where I feel I belong.

Today, I am sitting in Panera near my parents' house setting up my different gadgets that will help me connect to the world back home when I go. I will always have one foot on the other side of the ocean, even as I try to settle in to a new year in Jerusalem because that's where my loved ones are. We'll see how long it takes before I feel like I've crossed the threshold to life in Jerusalem. Keep in touch!